Originally posted on social media on May 7, 2021
I’d be doing a disservice to anyone who follows my journey if I didn’t show you these moments. One minute you’re laughing over lattes with your best friend. The next, a wave of grief knocks the wind out of you.
I don’t share this to make you feel pity. I hate pity. This is part of grief. Death is the only thing that is certain in life. We all experience grief. Yet, we are unprepared when it hits us. Our society doesn’t handle death and grief well, especially when a child dies.
The loss of my girl overwhelmed me as I was driving past the beach. The reality that my precious baby became ashes and we put her in the ocean. Fuck.
I’ve been thinking about the lives Molly saved. The three moms who are here this Mother’s Day, the teenage son who has a new heart and liver. How many lives did we prevent from being shattered? I’m genuinely happy that we spared others grief. I wish that our lives weren’t shattered. That my sweet Nate didn’t bury his face into me and sob everyday. That I could take away his pain. That we could have our Molly back.
My love and gratitude far outweighs my pain. But the pain is real. Why is such unbearable pain part of life?
To everyone for whom Mother’s Day evokes difficult emotions, know that you are not alone. I am sending love to you.