She Let Go Of My Hand

Originally posted on social media on April 21, 2021

Grief isn’t linear. Disbelief, anger, sorrow, acceptance - they cycle through us all the time. How is it possible that I will never look into Molly’s deep brown eyes again?

I often feel like my child has let go of my hand and gotten out of my sight. The panic of not knowing where she is.

I ultimately return to knowing that Molly is right here. Yes, her physical form slipped away from me (and there are no words to describe how painful it is). But she is with me. I try to raise my energetic frequency because staying in acute pain makes it harder to feel her.

Grief is intensely physical, too. Jon and I are both suffering physically. I live with chronic pain from cancer treatment, so it’s not unfamiliar. Grief has brought its own physical challenges that I’m trying to work through.

Sometimes I feel angry that, at 43, life has dealt me many hard blows. Mostly, though, I’m reminded that there is still much for which I am grateful. If we’d been given the choice of having Molly with us on Earth for 12 years or not at all, it wouldn’t even have been a choice. We are blessed.

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